“Therapy is to find out the cause of your problems but you will still have the same problems. I don’t want to get stuck”.
An effective therapy is always geared towards understanding the problems and giving the client the choice (and the ability) to change them. There is some criticism to therapy which says “gaining insight is not enough” to change. I believe insight is crucial to change and the goal in therapy is to use the insight we gain in order not to be stuck.
“I don’t want to blame my parents”.
Good therapy is about understanding the effects of the past, not about blaming anyone. Expressing our thoughts and feelings about past events and people weakens the hold these situations have on us.
“I want advice and specific tools. I don’t want someone to just sit there and nod”.
People come to therapy to see what they can’t see by themselves. Therapists are trained to show clients their blind spots, not only to sit and listen. My approach is direct and active but neutral and caring at the same time.
Potential clients are welcomed to call me to discuss what they might need from a therapist. If they want or would benefit from a different style of therapy, I would be happy to provide referrals.
Is therapy effective? Why does it take so long?
Yes, therapy can be very effective! However, there may be therapy relationships which are not effective anymore for various reasons. I encourage clients to speak up about their concerns.
Having said that, some wounds we have take a long time to heal. The specific nature of the wound, such as trauma, or just the fact that we had been carrying something for a long time may lead to longer time in therapy. I caution against a therapy that doesn’t work anymore. At the same time, just the fact that something takes long is not evidence in itself that it is not effective anymore.
Everyone is different and our psyches have their own time which can not be rushed or bypassed.